Some Mental Health Myths to Forget About in 2013 (Liza Finlay and Alyson Schafer)

Without a doubt the most astute piece I've read in a while.  Everyone can benefit from the points laid out below:

They're trite. They're tired. They're untrue. We may not even be aware of it, but most of us live by a set of aphorisms that are, quite frankly, made up. Fictions. Fallacies.

In our psychotherapy practice, we call these myth-conceptions pop-culture poppycock that stubbornly persists despite having no scientific basis or benefit. These bull-crap beliefs become entrenched at an early age and are handed down from generation to generation with the same alacrity of grandma's cookie recipe changing hands. We gobble them up, swallowing them whole and without question.

But we need to question. By challenging faulty beliefs we're free to set a new course, to create a mental map that is consciously chosen. Here are a few of the most pervasive myth-understandings to leave behind as you head into a new year. Leave these mental albatrosses buried in 2012 where they belong.

1. People don't change. Yes, they do. All the time. In fact, change isn't only possible, it's necessary. Darwin helped us figure that out over a century ago when he observed some species flourishing where others floundered. He called this finding "survival of the fittest" -- and by fittest he didn't mean strongest, he meant most adaptable. In our practice, we see magnificent examples of adaptation all the time. But you have to want it; it's not so much that people don't change, it's that they won't change.

2. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. Wrong. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing poorly. Worthiness and mastery are not intertwined concepts. Indeed, if perfection was the only barometer of merit, most of us would never get out of the starting gate. Talk about performance anxiety! The bottom line is this: if we only dwell in those endeavours that come with a guarantee of success, we live a shallow life. For 2013, each of us needs to develop the courage to be imperfect. Good enough is good enough.

3. You don't make the same mistake twice. Sure you do. Mistake-making is murky, and muddy, and wonderfully nuanced. The journey to enlightenment is a journey of a thousand steps. Psychological theorist Alfred Adler called life "the great becoming" -- we are in a constant state of 'bettering'. And if we want to be a part of that beautiful bettering, we need to risk, to make mistakes. Life is long. Get dirty.

4. It isn't fair! Yikes. Stop moping! On the BS-scale, that one's right up there. It's a cop-out, a handy way of sidestepping personal responsibility when we feel unable to face the challenges of life. Listen, the dog actually does wag the tail. We are not simply victims of life's happenstances. In actuality, we not only create our own realities, but we have the opportunity to recreate them, too. If you feel that life isn't fair, instead of waiting for someone to hand you a Kleenex, why not ask the question "what am I willing to do about it?"

5. There are two sides to every story. While that's a great start, in fact there are many more than two sides to every story. This is an example of dichotomous, or black and white, thinking. Sorry, but life is lived in the grey areas. No two of us interpret events the same way, meaning that there are as many "sides" to a story as there are humans on the planet. The world would be a better place if we attempted to wrap our minds around all of them. It's messy, but it's just. So, instead of "I'm right, you're wrong," consider what another person must believe in order for them to perceive this as their "truth."

6. All you need is love -- la la la la la. We love The Beatles too, but it's time to put down the hookah pipe and think seriously about the love-is-all-there-is mantra. We don't actually love everybody -- and nor should we. (Let's face it, we may even find some a challenge to like.) The commandment to love thy neighbour is a metaphor. What we are really charged with is the task of respect. We follow a philosophical tenant that requires us to treat all fellow beings with equanimity -- including the cranky neighbour and the obnoxious in-law. So, yes, love is great, but we should all aspire to a far less lofty (and far more achievable) goal -- respect and its offspring, civility. "All you need is respect, la la la la la." (Not nearly as catchy is it? Well, guess that's why The Beatles are the songwriters and we're the therapists.)

Not One Man of Steel, But a Society of Strength

"My father believed that if the world found out who I really was, they'd reject me.  He was convinced that the world wasn't ready.  What do you think?"

 

On so many levels, this is brilliant, timely writing.

 

I don't think we would be ready for a Superman in our midst.  We're too fearful of feeling insignificant in the grand scheme of things. 

 

This isn't an issue, though; whether we're waiting for a saviour or not, nobody's going to come down from on high and raise us up. 

 

That's the big secret - we'll only get there on our own, together.

 

Which is why I have to disagree with the writing team on one point - the solution isn't to look at the world as an island.  It's to recognize we're not islands and start bridging the gap.

The 407, Charity and Don Drummond:

Lots of wealthy people would disagree with this, but I gotta say - I know a few pretty rich folk and they really aren't any happier than less-heeled people; they have more opportunity and more stuff, but it doesn't seem to feel the hole:

 

Of all the important and interesting findings Dr. Kahneman and Dr. Deaton's research has uncovered, the most reported finding is that people with an annual household income of $75,000 are about as happy as anyone gets.

 

Then, I found this interesting - italics are mine:

 

A key stumbling block is that Parmar is seeking a percentage of any savings he finds as compensation. He’s also said he would accept payment in the form of a government appointment or increased provincial funding to fight ovarian cancer.

 

Here's a guy that's found the secret; offer value, but don't just seek more stuff in return - gain in terms of self-satisfaction and personal brand by giving value back.

 

Don Drummond provides a great example of this kind of thinking, which I believe we'll be seeing more of.

Democracy: If You Don't Use It, You Lose It

It’s very difficult for me to be out of my class and I certainly don’t want to be, but I also think democracy and our rights are more important than some of the minor inconveniences,” he said.

Bingo. 

Canadians are very lucky – we have a democracy to neglect.  We don’t face threats on our boarders, as some nations do.  We don’t get killed by government authorities.  Most Canadians (but not all) have access to the basic necessities required for life.  Because we have it so good, it can be easy to take these hard-one privileges for granted, but they are not entitlements.

Our democracy isn’t under attack, but it is eroding – and it’s all of our fault.  We’ve stopped working together and holding ourselves accountable.  We’re buying into the spin, making do with the cake we’re given.

But no so these students.  They are setting an example of active engagement we should all pay attention to.

Sometimes it takes the children to lead, doesn’t it?

How To Save Your Business Money

- by keeping your most valuable tools - your employees - in good working order:

Time to take mental health to work 

By Rosana Pellizzari, Peterborough City-County Health Unit

Tuesday, December 11, 2012 1:07:12 EST PM

 

 

With the growing openness to talk about mental health and illness, it’s time to take mental health to work! With most adults spending 60% of their waking hours at work, the work environment becomes a key driver in people’s physical and mental health. According to the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), one in five Canadians will experience mental illness in their lifetime and the other four will know someone – a friend, family member or co-worker – who has. It touches us all.

Some employees come to their workplace with a pre-existing mental illness. For others, their mental illness, usually depression and anxiety, is a result of their work environment. According to one study, almost three-quarters of all people with a mental illness are working.

 

The effect of mental illness is not just felt by the individual but by their co-workers and their workplace. CAMH reported that “mental health is the number one cause of workplace disability in Canada, accounting for nearly 30% of disability claims and 70% of the total disability costs.”

 

To raise the profile and provide support to workplaces, a new voluntary Psychological Health and Safety in the Workplace standard has been created, to be launched in 2013. The standard outlines 13 psychosocial risk factors that can either improve or worsen a worker’s mental well-being: organizational culture, psychological and social support, clear leadership and expectations, civility and respect, psychological demands, growth and development, recognition and reward, involvement and influence, workload management, engagement, balance, psychological protection and protection of physical safety.

 

To properly support employees with mental health problems, we need to challenge our own assumptions and stereotypes. In addition, workplaces need to create an environment that makes it safe for employees to talk about aspects of their lives that are having an impact on their mental health. According to the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA), “employees who were diagnosed with depression and who took the appropriate medication saved their employer an average of 11 days a year in prevented absenteeism.”

 

What can we do if we believe a co-worker is struggling to cope with depression, anxiety or any other mental illness? Here are some tips.

 

1. Encourage the co-worker to enlist the support of someone they trust who can help to advocate on their behalf (e.g., union steward, a sympathetic work friend, family member, or friend).

 

2. Make the co-worker aware that there is a psychological health and safety standard as well as other resources that may help guide the support she or he can ask for in their workplace.

 

3. Suggest to the co-worker that they make use of other services/resources available in the community and through work (e.g. employee and family assistance programs or benefits).

 

If you or someone you know needs help, visit www.pcchu.ca for a list of services in our community. Employers who want to ensure that your workplace is psychologically healthy and safe, visit www.healthatworkpeterborough.ca for resources that can help you get started.

 

The World Health Organization predicts that depression will be the single biggest medical burden on health by 2020. A recent report by Pubic Health Ontario and the Institute for Clinical Evaluative Sciences, “Opening Eyes, Opening Minds” found that the burden of mental illness and addictions in Ontario is more than one and a half times that of all cancers, and more than seven times that of all infectious diseases. Early detection and timely treatment are critical. Whether at home, at work, or at play, let’s all take note and take care of one another.

 

Dr. Rosana Pellizzari is medical officer of health for Peterborough city and county.

Is Ontario In the Closet about Stigma?

Still, some 20 per cent of Ontario residents surveyed opposed gays running for elected office.  Among evangelical Christians, barely one-third supported gays in politics.

It's a sad fact, but homophobia still plays a role in politics; so do racism and gender-bias, among other stigmas.  Sheila Copps was regularly dismissed in a way she never would have been if she were male.  There are still plenty of folk in the United States who simply refuse to accept the notion of a black president and try to confabulate reasons why  Obama can't be legit.  

At the same time, Sheila Copps was an elected politician; POTUS Obama was just elected for a second term.  There was a time when women weren't allowed to vote and black men were enslaved.  In the Ontario Liberal leadership race, there are candidates who are gay, who are women, who are visible minorities - there's even one with a physical disability.  These accomplishments are significant victories that have been hard-won and need to be vigorously maintained, but we're headed in the right direction. 

I have enormous respect for trailblazers who refuse to believe there are certain positions that are simply off-limits to some and choose not to accept that some blatantly stigmatic attitudes aren't worth challenging.  In changing society's perceptions, these outliers enrich us all by forcing us to think more broadly.  Some of them make excellent leaders, given the opportunity.

Discrimination is like wine (easy to consume but leaves a nasty hangover) but with time, in iterations, it's being watered down by experience and understanding.  Stigmas are the same as any phobia - they can be overcome, but only when confronted.  

Or as one famously disabled politician once said, "we have nothing to fear but fear itself."

UPDATE:



"The iPhone maker will argue that gay marriage bans in 41 states are a detriment to workplace morale, harm employees and undermine recruiting, according to Bloomberg."

Telling.

Man, there's a lot of folk that need to read and absorb this:

Check Your Ego at the Door: Tips for Creative Collaboration

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Everyone loves each other at the Oscars. You never really see cat fights on camera or behind-the-scenes feuds made public because that would spoil the fantasy. As anyone who has worked in a close creative partnership knows – it’s not always such a pretty picture.

Tina Fey, Martha Plimpton, Melissa McCarthy, Amy Poehler, Edie Falco, and Laura Linney (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

Creative collaboration, whether it’s in the arts or business, can beinspiring, fun, and invigorating, and it can push you to new and exciting places professionally and personally. It can also give you an ulcer, bring on insomnia, and lure you into occasional daydreams about tearing up your collaboration agreement or your LLC paperwork and throwing it in your partner’s face, and then storming out the door while the pieces of paper flutter into their lap and they realize the error of their ways. (They’re probably having the same daydreams about you, by the way). Because you signed paperwork before starting this beautiful creative endeavor right? Please say “yes.”

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Every collaboration has creative aspects. If you’re teaming up to start a financial consulting business, there’s a certain level of creativity – logos, a company name, branding. I’ve collaborated in creative partnerships that involved making comic books, films, and writing, and the end goal is the same as any business: A product that can be bought, sold, processed or make you a ton of money. Or, a product that fulfills you creatively and looks great on your resume. Either scenario is a win. Here are some tips for navigating creative collaboration and avoiding an unwelcome, stress-induced ulcer:

1. Sign on the Dotted Line: For most collaborators, signing a contract right off the bat is a no-brainer. Not so much for “creative types.” We paint and sing and dance. What we do is ethereal so why do we need to taint it with confusing, mundane legalese? Because you’ll get screwed if you don’t that’s why. I’ve made this mistake. It’s hard talking about money and who gets what and who owns what. It’s uncomfortable. If you’re worried about offending your partner or sounding greedy or petty – stop worrying and get the uncomfortable stuff hammered out. Get it out of the way and then you can move forward in a productive, healthy way.

You can ask for a lawyer’s help, or if money is a factor you can ask around on tracking boards or groups you belong to. I’ve gotten free legal advice by sending a message to a tracking board for women in film. You probably have the resources at your disposal, so don’t be afraid to ask around before you throw a chunk of money away. Don’t be afraid to tackle the unpleasant things first – sign that paperwork. Six months down the road, you’ll sleep easier knowing it’s in place. Trust me.

2. Listen: Like any relationship, this is a must. It’s not always so easy, right? You get an idea in your head and you’re sure it’s The Way. One of the best things about collaboration is that you can make each other better. You raise each other’s game, if you’re not a stubborn egomaniac about everything. Even if you’re convinced your idea is IT, open your mind and listen to your partner’s idea. More often than not, they’re right, and your separate ideas together will be better than you imagined.

3. Accept Their Style: Opposites attract in love, and that’s true of creative collaborators too. I’m insanely impatient and like to DO, and some of the best partnerships I’ve had are with people who are infinitely patient and like to THINK. It’s not always easy to deal with a vastly different working style, but if you take deep breaths you might just learn something. I’ve learned that it’s OK and even wise not to jump head-first into things at times, and I’ve shown partners that over-thinking a decision can sometimes be detrimental. It’s not your way or the highway – you’re a team, right?

4. Know When to Walk Away: The beginning of a creative collaboration is always like the beginning of a relationship: You’re giddy, excited, the possibilities are infinite and the two of you will rule the world! Then you realize they like to start work at noon instead of ten and they leave dirty dishes in the sink. The honeymoon phase ends and you’re having those fantasies about ripping up your LLC paperwork. Sometimes, you just need to take a step back rather than make a sudden, dramatic decision like dissolve the partnership or strangle each other because your disagreement about your business card font has sent you into a tizzy. Depending on the nature of your business (if you have tight deadlines obviously you can’t just take off for a month) you might need to get some perspective. Step away for an hour, a week, a month, and see where you’re at. Then jump in again – with an open mind and your paperwork in place.

In the film world, intense creative collaboration usually involves a big group of people working and living together 24/7 for weeks or months on end. Fights break out, tears are shed, people exclaim, “I’m never speaking to her again!” in the makeup trailer. Then they see the final product, realize what they’ve accomplished, and everyone at the wrap party loves each other and can’t wait to do it all again. That’s creative collaboration at its best.

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