The Stampede Threesome: Sexism, Social Media Shivarees + Social Tipping Points

Many of the tweets in reaction to the men are congratulatory, calling them "heroes," doing something "decent," while those referring to the woman are insulting, calling her a "slut" or "whore" with no values.

There I was, just trying to read a thoughtful piece on the problems with policing in Toronto by my friend Andray Domise when this headline catches my eye:

Catching Up With the Woman From the Calgary Stampede Threesome at Her Strip Club Debut

I can't say I've ever been to the Calgary Stampede, but somehow I doubted that anything featuring a threesome would be part of the official agenda.  My curiosity was piqued enough to see what was going on.

The story that emerged - and I'm surprised I didn't hear of it first on Twitter, where I spend an inordinate amount of time - was of a woman and two men who had consensual three-way sex in a somewhat public space.  Someone saw it, was disgusted and to properly express their disgust in a 21st Century way, filmed and posted video of the act that caused them such discomfort.

No more the "look away, kids" mentality of our parents - when we see something we feel is out of tune with our social norms, we take the story viral.  We'll come back to this later.

The bias with which the Stampede Threesome (Stampedesome?) story has been portrayed online and what that says about our male-centric society has been much discussed.  Men are encouraged, even celebrated for being sowers of seeds where as women, society's nurtures and child-rearers, are shamed for being sexual creatures.  How exactly men are supposed to sow if fertile fields are closed to them remains one of those social paradoxes that we tend not to explore.

Of course the shaming of women isn't limited to sexuality (which is regularly a substitute for social power) - it applies to women displaying any non-demure behaviour.  Another recent case in point - Imperator Furiosa.

Furiosa - Charlize Theron's character from Mad Max: Fury Road has been viscously and virally attacked for hijacking a movie whose title references the male hero.  Apparently, she's part of an insidious feminist conspiracy to undermine masculinity, a forcibly planted female lead in what's supposed to be a boy's movie.  

Written and directed, mind you, not by a feminist auteur like Ava DuVernay, but by the same dude who has sheppearded the Mad Max franchise from the beginning - George Miller.

What's the connecting thread?  Society's men call the sex/hero shots and someone has altered the rules.  And the macho men, they don't like it.  They feel threatened.  It's like the Muslimification of the Western world, only worse, because this time it's their own women undermining man's natural role as roost-rulers and power-wielders.

Meanwhile, Alexis Frulling - the lady at the centre of this story - has done a remarkable job of crisis management (own the story from the outset, ensure your own narrative is well-told and widely-circulated).  More than that, she seems to have done a pretty good job of turning an avoidable moment of infamy into an entrepreneurial opportunity.  There's strip dances, sex tip videos, etc, etc. She could probably do well with a line of merch, too - the ways she could continue to reap benefit from her 15 minutes are endless.

If Frulling were a guy, she'd be given props for ingenuity and seizing an opportunity.  She's a woman, though, so instead the whole incident is being framed as a manipulative publicity stunt (still no mention of the men involved, mind you).

The fact that this 20-something (manipulator!) beautiful (Delilah!) woman (whore!) has become a magnet for social castigation from a vocal segment of the population isn't surprising.  Same thing happened to Jennifer Lawrence, although her source of sexual infamy was intended to be private; the same thing's happening to Steph Guthrie for fighting back in a way that would, again, be celebrated as tough political winning if she was a man.

It's a well-established social phenomenon best represented by the shivaree, an ancient custom intedned to force social outliers to conform to societal norms.  Instead of pots and pans, though, these mass-shamings now take the form of viral campaigns, like #DuffyPickUpLines or #TellVicEverything.

Mike Duffy and Vic Toews, mind you, are/were supposed to be social elites, defenders of tradition, etc.  They were shamed for abusing their position, whereas Fulling is being castigated for stepping beyond the prescribed bounds of acceptable female behaviour and nudging into males-only territory.  

Castigated by a vocal few, though - hardly the majority.

Back to the Andray Domise article that kicked all this off:

Without a highly visible outcry that shames the Board into adopting changes, the work done by police to increase transparency and reduce fatal encounters often amount tohalf-baked and widely criticized measures. 

Highly visible.  Shaming.  What he's calling for - what #BlackLivesMatter or any of the related campaigns around young black men killed and young black women abused by police represent - is a shivaree, public pressure for behaviour modification.  

It's what any protest seeks to accomplish, really; forcing the shapers of public norms (ie policy) to get more in line with the public (or a subset of the public) mood.

Gay marriage is another example of this, with even corporations getting on board.

You may note something of a trend-line connecting the dots here.

Yes, Alexis Frulling has many vocal online detractors, but she's also got a lot of supporters who are equally turning on the societal norms that punish women for doing what men get celebrated for (while still being told to be more like men when it comes to breaking the glass ceiling in work or politics).

Society used to be a lot smaller - homogeneity and cultural standards were easier to universalize through shaming efforts such as the shivaree.  By and large, though, those smaller societies had more standardized social roles, too - roles that limited people to certain constraints that may not have reflected their individual capacity.  Marriage was limited to men and women, holidays were Christian affairs, men - particularly alphas - dominated in the boardroom, the bedroom and in the House of Commons.

Society has changed; the needs of society have changed.  We've collectively outgrown the standards of the past which actively impede economic and social success.  What we need always comes second to what makes us comfortable, though - which is especially true on the macro scale.  As traditional society and the failings of our political, economic and social systems and norms fail a growing percentage of the population, though, the scale is tipping from efforts to maintain the status quo (shivarees) to calls for systems disruption and more equitable social standards (protest).

Perhaps Alexis Frulling is the perfect metaphor for this tipping point; the passive, minority partners in our social relationships are weak and passive no more.  

The time of top-down messaging and social norm-defining is over.

We're into three-way conversations now, and the usual suspects are just going to have to get used to sharing the marketplace of power.

Forward, Toronto

 

 

 

“We have to forget the team sweaters. Whether it is a Scarborough versus Etobicoke team sweater, a left versus right sweater or a New Democrat or a Liberal sweater I want people to work together to build up the city.”

 

Remember that video Team Doug Ford took from Why Should I Care? wherein Tory talks about road tolls?  When you watch the whole thing, you see that the substance of what he said then mirrors his quote posted above. 

 

While I question some of the choices he's made and wonder if he fully understands the challenge he's presented for himself, I have no doubt that John Tory's intentions are pure.  Tory is an aspiring post-partisan; he's seen up close and personal the divisions that partisanship can create and the limitations fixed ideologies place on our ability to understand and solve our structural socio-economic woes.

  

Unless you're a die-hard partisan, you want John Tory to succeed as mayor.  This is our city, and he will be our Chief Magistrate.  Holding him, Council and the public service to account is part of our role as people of Toronto, but it doesn't end there - we need to bring our ideas to the table and be a working part of the solution.

 

In that vein, I would encourage Tory to look beyond the sweaters of partisanship and actively wade in to the different communities of the City, too.  He needs to be engaging directly with the people of Etobicoke, and Regent Park, and Alexandra Park in their spaces, in formats comfortable to them.

 

The same goes for the city's social entrepreneurs, CSR leaders, etc.  This doesn't mean the odd powwow with the Ilse Treurnichts or Tonya Surmans of the world (though they're definitely worth engaging with) - it means creating regular opportunities to engage the Andrew Dos, Bianca Wylies and Shilbee Kims of the world as part of the solution-generation process.

 

Tory should also tap into some of the talent and visions of some of the candidates who didn't make it into cabinet.

 

Alex Mazer's work with Better Budget TO is astounding and, with the full partnership of Team Tory, can have an even greater impact.

 

Andray Domise's vision for Techsdale is great and needs to be implemented; it also fits in nicely with the visions of other community leaders for Youth Entrepreneurship hubs possibly based out of underused TCHC/TPL spaces in Toronto's NIAs.  Then, of course, there's Toronto Youth Cabinet's Chloe-Marie Brown and her three big policy ideas for 2015.

 

Alejandra Bravo continues to make a difference among Toronto's New Canadian communities, empowering more civic engagement and literacy.

 

On the civic literacy side, we go full circle back to Why Should I Care?  Terri Chu has done an amazing job developing one of the most important forums for dialogue in the city.  Rather than pitting opposing perspectives against one another, new ideas and information are shared through conversation. Instead of exploring a battleground, common ground emerges.

 

Wouldn't it be great if we had more WSICs throughout the city?  Or if the City (Mayor and Councilors, City Planners, etc.) engaged in regular forums like this to engage, inform and hear from local communities?

 

Getting informed and getting engaged are crucial, but we need to go even further.  To really make a difference, people - all people - need to be an active part of the decision-making process.  That's what Reset Toronto has been hinting at; it's also what Toronto's Open Community, which represents a variety of sectors and communities, has been trying to promote.

 

Last night, I had the privilege to be part of TGIFTuesday, a policy kitchen conversation which brought a mixed group of people together to craft some policy actions to bring to Council.  Partners included Social Innovation Generation, the Centre for Social Innovation, Swerhun and Toronto Youth Cabinet.  The new Council will be getting a white paper based on the ideas generated there and there will also be a video in the near future. 

We're all committed to doing more of these and in more communities throughout town - it would be awesome to hold such events at local entrepreneur centres/community catalyst hubs.

 

All of this is breaking new ground, doing things differently and embracing the idea of iterative development.  In short, it's risky, it's a bit messy - but it's doing exactly what Tory want to see, which is breaking down silos and bringing people together.

 

We all need to take off team sweaters from left to right, but we also need to be comfortable engaging both above and below our social strata.  Tory's political advisors will probably discourage this - it goes against the political mentality of picking fights and reaching strictly for low-hanging fruit - but it's what the city both needs and deserves and, I believe, what John Tory ultimately stands for.

 

The Mayor-elect is welcome to join our conversations, events and hacks whenever he has the time.  We're happy to work with anyone committed to the same cause of building an informed, engaged and empowered society.

 

After all, the only way to move forward is to do it together.

 

#TOVotes14: CCE Endorses

The value of endorsements is sometimes questioned - I believe they matter. 

I think that most of us can be hesitant to go with our gut.  When we're faced with choosing a political representative we're not familiar with, an endorsement serves a bit like a reference on a CV - if someone out there thinks well of the person we're considering, it helps us make our choice.

While the focus for endorsements tends to lean on big names - former Mayors, sitting elected officials or community leaders - the ones that often have the most impact come from the people we know and respect on a personal level. 

In both cases, what we're looking for is someone to believe in.

Toronto's City Council is in sore need of fresh blood, of voices that are unafraid to stand up for their communities, but with a mind towards solving problems, not picking fights.  Partisan voices that look at both wins and losses tactically are exactly what we don't need right now.  We also should steer clear of the attention-seekers; as we saw with four years of the Ford Show, too much oxygen gets wasted on scandal that really should be going to communities.

I'm not a resourced newspaper; I'm not going to offer a comprehensive endorsement per riding.  What I will do is single out some people I think are amazing and know would work together in powerful ways for the people of Toronto.

Ward 1, Etobicoke North:  Idil Burale

I cannot speak highly enough of Idil.  She's smart, she's passionate and she's articulate.  Her heart if clearly in her community, but her mind has a laser-like focus on fixing how our politics engages. 

Idil and I worked together briefly at Queen's Park, where she proved to be an absolute dynamo.  My favourite memory is her taking a room full of MPPs, including Ministers, to task over TAVIS and the need for deeper understanding of issues facing Toronto's Somali communities.

 She is exactly the type of leader we need at City Hall.

Ward 2, Etobicoke North:  Andray Domise

I first met Andray when he was a speaker for Why Should I Care? - I was impressed with the depth of his knowledge, the clarity of his language and the passion of his commitment.  After the chat, we got to talking about communities, youth and how we need a more Maslow-like approach for Toronto's Neighbourhood Improvement Areas - focus on building strengths instead of focusing strictly on problems.

I've had a couple of chances to meet with Andray and his team since - they're the real deal.  He is committed to his community, full stop; he won't back away if he doesn't win.  This is exactly why you want him to win, Ward 2 - imagine ideas like Techsdale coming to life with the full support of the City and the kind of private sector partners Councilors have an easier time leveraging.

 

Ward 10, York Centre: James Pasternak

This is my Ward.  I first met Pasternak during the Toronto Strong Neighbourhoods consultation; like a couple of councilors, he had opted to sit in and here some of the discussion.  Not all of them did.

What really stood out to me was the fact that Pasternak really engaged in these conversations - he knew the issues, new the people around the table and actually listened to what was being said.  That doesn't happen all the time.

Oh, and I hear he's interested in pushing forward Toronto's Open Government initiative.  That's a good thing.

Ward 15, Eglinton-Lawrence: Josh Colle

Colle gets some flak for being a "political heir" that, in my opinion, is unfounded.  I used to live in Ward 15 and have been involved with Lawrence Heights in particular for ages.  I am constantly seeing Josh around, or hearing about his initiatives, or bumping in to his staff.

Josh is thoughtful, engaging and committed.  He's expressed interest in community development projects the like of which Andray Domise and Idil Burale have discussed and I know he's going to love what Toronto Youth Cabinet's Policy Advisor Chole Brown is cooking up.  We need him on Council this term.

Also for that neck of the woods - I would love to see Jennifer Arp as the next TDSB Trustee for Ward 8.  Jennifer and I met for coffee a few weeks back and had an in-depth chat about schools in the region (my wife teaches at one, my son is at one, my family has a strong connection to schools in Lawrence Heights).  She got the issues from the grassroots level up; she understood the need for education to be holistic, for parents to be involved and most importantly, for the school board to be at the table in conversations with other community partners on things like community safety.

Jennifer gets it, which is why she's garnered so much support, including from the local MPP.  She deserves your confidence as well.

Ward 17, Davenport: Alejandra Bravo

Alejandra isn't entitled to Ward 17 because she's run so convincingly in the past; she deserves to be Councilor because of her unwavering commitment to her community.  Alejandra and I had an in-depth chat a while back about civic engagement, the need to get more of City Hall out into communities as well as having a council more reflective of the citizens they represent.  We talked about how to create new opportunities in marginalized communities and how to fund those opportunities.

I walked away from that meeting knowing Alejandra was someone I wanted to work with.  If you've had the pleasure of chatting with her, you probably feel the same way.  She's a leader - we need leaders.

Ward 18, Davenport: Alex Mazer

Alex similarly invited me to coffee a couple of months back (if you haven't noticed yet, Council Candidates drink a lot of caffeine) to chat politics in general and the City in particular.  We both had a Queen's Park background and so were familiar with each other in that regard, but we'd never actually met.

I was rapidly impressed by Alex's understanding of how the system works, especially when it comes to budgeting, and how things can be done better.  Beyond this, he had really dug deep into the local issues of his community and talked comfortably about the day-to-day issues a young family, a senior or struggling New Canadians may face.  And he wants to improve conditions for all of them.

Just imagine what folk like Alex, Alejandra, Idil and my next choice could accomplish together through stuff like ResetTO.

 

 

Ward 20, Trinity-Spadina:  Terri Chu

Terri is both my friend and my leader.  As part of the Why Should I Care? team, it has been my honour and privilege to see Terri in action; how she stick-handles strong personalities, how she turns adversity into opportunity and her commitment to her beliefs and the people around her.  No matter how "big" she has gotten (WSIC has gone from a thing in her kitchen with a family doctor to an enterprise with a Bell Local show and Economic Club of Canada-level speakers), it hasn't changed her, at all.

Terri is Terri - smart, engaged, cuts to the chase, gets things done.  She is beholden to no partisan ideology and does not see being Councilor as either a stepping stone or a consolation prize.  She never wavers in what she believes in and has truly lived her motto: get informed, get engaged make a difference. 

 

Terri is going to make an amazing difference for #Ward20.

Ward 24, Willowdale:  Dan Fox

Dan and I have been in touch a great deal over the past year, chatting about community and issues via social media and in person.  No matter how busy he's gotten, he's always had time for me - the same holds true for everyone that tries to connect with him.

Calm in demeanour, determined in approach and thoughtful in his positions, Dan is a voice of reason with an eye for innovative solutions.  Like every candidate on this list, he realizes that Council needs to do more engaging with the people of Toronto - all the people of Toronto; the solutions we need won't be enforced from the top down, but collaborated upon from the bottom up.

That's my list - those are the candidates I know and would love to see on Council.  I hope you do, too; they won't disappoint. 

 

Each one of them is passionately committed to their communities.  They understand issues on the individual and structural level.  Each one of them will fight for their constituents.

 

At the same time, they are part of new generation of leaders that don't see Wards as fiefdoms in their care but see the role of Councilor as being a bridge between community and the City.  Each one of them is committed to empowering Torontonians to have a stronger voice in the decision-making process, which is a great thing.

These are the leaders we need to move Toronto forward. 

Community-Based Accelerators

 

CLA investments, a key component of the Government's Youth Jobs Strategy, will help Ontario accelerate the commercialization of ideas and inventions out of its world-class research institutions, develop the business leaders of tomorrow, and harness the power of its support networks to build competitive regional innovation and entrepreneurship ecosystems.

 

I like it.  I believe in it.  In fact, I chat regularly with folk at the Centre for Social Innovation, MaRS, and various public servants/social innovators about how we can support and expand this model.

 

One thing that I think is missing, though - with a strict focus on supporting the best and commercializing world-class ideas and innovations, we're creating an exclusionary field that's neglecting some broader opportunities.

 

While yes, we want to support the next Google, the reality is that most entrepreneurs are never going to hit that scale.  There's nothing wrong with this; SMEs (small to medium enterprises) contribute massively to our economy and provide valuable services.  They can even be creative; it's not uncommon for great innovations like left-handed scissors or hush-ups get developed this way. 

 

I'm going to reiterate that point for a second so that it really sinks in - entrepreneurs with purpose can often innovate solutions that policy changes can't. 

Here's another example - a hip-hop artist from Lawrence Heights has an idea for a youth entrepreneurship centre that would offer safe space, resource access, admin assistance, business forms, a library and some training/mentorship for local folk who want to start a business. 

 

This could be a bicycle shop or a cleaning service or an App for a smartphone - there are various ways to make the model work.

 

Jaydahmann came up with this idea out of conversations he's had with youth in the community - they don't need another basketball camp or barbeque and are disenfranchised with one-off summer jobs that don't provide the experience that supports career growth.

 

It's not "world class" stuff, perhaps, but ideas like this can make a big difference on the ground, when properly supported.

 

So why don't we do that?  If we can have Campus-Linked-Accelerators, why can't we have Community-Based Accelerators as well?

In fact, that's not far off ideas being discussed by Toronto City Council candidates like Andray Domise and Terri Chu.  It's an idea that's been raised by Toronto Youth Council as well.

The obvious first question is, "how will this thing make money?"

 

Accelerators tend to have rigorous processes designed to weed out those who aren't properly prepared.  I have never been comfortable with this idea; it's a bit like telling kids who's grades aren't perfect that they're not allowed to attend school.

 

If we can provide additional support for youth in school so that they too might succeed, we can do the same for business or community organization ideas.  In fact, that's a bit of what My SoJo aims to do and what RaiseAnAim is working on as well - helping people get their ducks in a row, line up funding and support the necessary admin stuff through government to result in successes.

 

Will all of them succeed?  No - but that's no different than where we are now.  Particularly in marginalized communities (or Neighbourhood Improvement Areas) people are being left behind - they're less employed, at greater risk for poverty, crime and illness and ultimately, cost the social system more.  Whoever participates would at the very least walk away with skills, contacts and practical experience they wouldn't have otherwise.

We need to change the view of entrepreneurship as just being a way to generate big revenue, but also being a tool for raising the social floor.  There are existing funding streams at all levels of government that could get behind this; there are existing champions at the community and political level; heck, there are even private-sector partners who would probably jump at the chance to support initatives like this with either dollars or in-kind service donation (speakers, mentors, etc).

 

It's Corporate Social Responsibility for them, brand-building, employee engagement and can even be R&D.  If a local kid comes up with a good idea on a small scale, it's kind of what big businesses do to figure out how to make that idea explode.

I for one would love to see Community-Based Accelerators happen; the potential benefits are enormous while the costs aren't really anything we're not pay for already in one form or another.

 

If only there was an accelerator I could bring this idea to, eh?