Cancer

Thirteen years ago today, my father-in-law died due to complications from non-Hodgkin lymphoma.  It was the end of a decade-long battle that ravaged his body, ended both his income-earning years and took a heavy toll on at his family.

 

They never knew whether the latest hospital stay would be the last.  Long hours were spent traveling to the hospital in Ottawa from Cornwall, where they lived.  They racked up hundreds of dollars in parking fees.

 

My father-in-law's mood shifted with the chemo and with the slow erosion of the life he had hoped to live.  The life he had worked so hard to build as an immigrant fleeing from Maoist China, a new Canadian working tirelessly to build a family business with his brothers and putting in long hours so as to support his family were all reduced to frail form that felt itself a burden more and more with each passing day.

 

Cancer does that to people.  It's a weight that bears down more and more with each passing day, year after year.  His family still carry the emotional scars of his slow decline and final passing.  The anxiety and depression that developed over time now impacts their every relationship. 

 

Whenever I hear that someone has been diagnosed with cancer, my heart goes out to them and their family.  It doesn't matter who they are, nor what they have done in their lives; cancer is a great equalizer that way.

 

It doesn't matter how strong you think you are - cancer is a disease of the community.  We can only beat it - and we have to beat it - if we fight it together.

 

From the CornwallFreeNews:

For my second column for the Cornwall FreeNews, I thought about picking a lighter topic.

But honestly, where's the fun in that?


Assisted Suicide and Pandora’s Box by Craig Carter Edwards – June 25, 2012

“All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us.”
- Gandalf, Lord of the Rings

CFN – B.C Supreme Justice Lynn Smith has ruled that assisted suicide is legal. In her ruling, Smith argues existing provisions in the Criminal Code that make assisted suicide illegal are an infringement against an individual’s rights to life, liberty and security of person. In her view, right to life seems to include right to death; liberty includes the ability to impose the ultimate limitation on oneself and security includes the ability to permanently protect oneself against pain.

If you haven’t guessed yet, I’m not in favour.

“If you can’t run, you walk. If you can’t walk, you crawl. If you can’t crawl, you find someone to carry you.”

Family Impact

Stephanie Zubcic PhD‏@BeingUncosmo

#FUCKcancer That's what I'm learning! RT @__CCE: @BeingUncosmo Never let an experience pass, though, without learning something from it!

That's taken from my Twitter feed.  Stephanie and I (who don't know each other personally, but that's the way social media rolls) had just started following each other.  I saw a tweet from her about "this too shall pass" and answered, starting the thread.

Stephanie's answer got me thinking about my own experiences with cancer; I lost an aunt to lung cancer and my father-in-law to non-Hodgkins lymphoma.  Both were terrible experiences for the individual to go through but they were hell on the family, too.  I still remember my grandfather, a Holocaust survivor, watching his daughter waste away - hard enough as it was, but her physical condition kept giving him flashbacks to Buchenwald.  How he found the strength to keep going and holding her hand, I'll never know.

My father-in-law wasted away over years; there were moments of crisis, uncertainty, but the end was never in doubt.  The ten years of tribulations my wife's family went through took a tremendous toll on all of them, impacting their lives in ways they aren't always conscious of.  When I go through any trial - for instance, my recent run-in with an ignorant driver - my wife goes into "it's all unravelling" mode.  There's no feeling worse than knowing you are causing distress for someone else.

So, I sympathize with Stephanie.  I sympathize with the family of Tori Stafford, with Lisa Raitt, and with all the families of everyone going through challenges personal, professional or physical.  The families are victims just as much as the person directly impacted.  It's not enough for us to tell these people to "tough it through" or "stay strong" or at worst, "suck it up;" there's a big difference between surviving an experience and learning to live again after.

Experiences of hardship will shape you, one way or the other, but it's the love and support of others that will help you move forward.