Respect, Consequence and Success

"I'm accountable to people of faith, and people of no faith. I'm accountable to all parents, and I think the fact that I know we have something in common as parents -- we want to make sure our kids are accepted and respected for who they are."

   - Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty

As the GSA saga has unfolded, it’s come as no surprise that the “respect adult authority” meme has been bandied about.  Thomas Cardinal Collins has suggested Premier McGuinty isn’t respecting the moral authority of the Catholic Board Trustees.  Not mentioned is that the Board doesn’t seem to be respecting the moral authority of their own teachers, who are in favour of empowering youth to choose a name for their association that suits their objectives, even if it uses the word “gay.

More than a couple commentators have thrown out “spare the rod, spoil the child” – suggesting that allowing our youth to define themselves and engage in conversations about how to understand and get along with their own individual peers is somehow watering down their moral fibre.

On public transit I hear teenage boys talking about respect and how they aren’t getting it or what they could/should do to get it.  Lots of song lyrics carry the same message.  Despite the negative impact on mental health, productivity and the bottom line of this approach being applied in workplaces, employer/employee respect is still perceived as a rock that rolls uphill rather than a reciprocative interaction.  Jason Kenney made a compelling argument that the Liberal Party of Canada was not respecting the New Canadian community and taking their votes for granted to devastating effect (for the LPC).

Here’s the thing: these folk who want “their” youth, “their” employees or “their” constituents to do as they’re told; the people who talk derisively to politicians or planners who disagree with them or refer to their staff as “dead wood” don’t really give a rat’s ass about respect; what they care about is dominance.  Respect, they see, is something received, not given.  These adults will yell, stomp their feet or ask aggressively to get their way – in essence, throwing tantrums, or bullying to quash challenges to their perceived authority.  Sometimes this leads to one partner tucking it’s tail between its legs and backing away.  More often than not, it results in escalation, serving nobody’s best interests.  Where do our kids learn such behaviour?  By watching us, is how.  That’s the example we set.

When you tell a child that they have to do as they are told, period, you are attempting to undermine their position, which will almost always be legitimate for them and might actually add value to a conversation.  I have a 4 year-old who challenges me all the time; he will seek clarification on a position, offer alternatives and will make some pretty decent arguments on his own behalf. 

My wife and I actively encourage this behaviour; it helps him develop critical thinking, to get into the head space of the person with whom he is speaking and teaches him resiliency.  This also makes him more proactive and collaborative – my knows how to stack the deck in his favour.  It’s both cool and a little bit disconcerting to watch a 4 year-old lay out multi-move strategies, but I always proud of him for it.  By showing my son respect, by giving him skin in the game and a stake in the end result, we’re preparing him for a life of success and contribution in the real world.

Employers may feel they have no responsibility other than wages to their employees – they are tools to be leveraged for labour, nothing more.  When you don’t respect your workers, though, you not only atrophy their capacity to make you money, you actively push them away.  Same thing with any team, any constituency – the whole is only as strong as the weakest.  In a social environment, you don’t get very far by culling “weak links” – instead, success comes from empowering each of your team to reach their full potential.

People like Thomas Cardinal Collins might be uncomfortable with the word “gay” – a latent  homophobia for a word that, when time was, meant happy.  They might feel that allowing students to use the term in Catholic schools (the Church’s schools, apparently, not the students) makes them uncomfortable and is therefore disrespectful  to their moral authority.  What they’re really doing is passing the message on that the Catholic Church doesn’t respect the views of youth, which is not a wise image to portray.

Poor Catholic Church Board has backed themselves into a corner.  They need a way out of their untenable position.  Here’s some advice they can turn to from within their own cannon that will make it easier for them to do the right thing:

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Mark 10: 13 – 16

He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18: 2 – 6

 Such is the nature of belief systems.  I would be happy to sit down with them, hear their arguments out and together, we could come us with a comprise that suits both our interests and allows us to move forward.

Because that's what true, mutual respect allows.