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Recovering backpacker, Cornwallite at heart, political enthusiast, catalyst, writer, husband, father, community volunteer, unabashedly proud Canadian. Every hyperlink connects to something related directly or thematically to that which is highlighted.
Showing posts with label Rehtaeh Parsons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rehtaeh Parsons. Show all posts

Thursday, 18 April 2013

Andrew Coyne: The Ned Stark of #cdnpoli?




 
  - Andrew Coyne
 
 
I personally think this is a brilliant idea.  We're seeing a widening gap between those who pass judgement and those who suffer the consequences; it's as true of arms-length attack ads as it is of using drones instead of soldiers.  The end result is a failed democracy where the kings at the top wage wars that weigh most heavily on the pawns on the bottom, with collateral damage (in this case, voter engagement) suffering as a consequence.
 
Of course, Coyne isn't in politics - he merely covers it.  Were he to have real skin in the game and be faced with attacks directed at his very character, he might be a bit more inclined to circle the wagons, hit first and hit hard, too.  It's first-past-the-post after all - the players are victims of the game, right?  The ends justify the means, winning absolves all responsibility for campaign sins?
 
You'd think Stephen Harper, who loves him some cutthroat political maneuvering, would agree that understanding the context in which political skulduggery happens matters.  After all, he always finds ways to explain the root causes of the challenge and justify his actions (whether it's bribing a dying man, lying to the Canadian people, withholding information or bullying people over whom he has power).
 
But that's not the case, is it?
 
 
 
Bad behaviour is bad behaviour, in other words - it doesn't matter what informs that behaviour, you just stamp it out. 
 
Now's about when enablers of Harper will circle the wagons around him and cry fowl - he hasn't killed anyone.  This is true - but by allowing for his Party to circulate false information, by stepping away from vital conversations around drought in Africa and the environmental consequences of the Oil Sands he is contributing to the harm of many.  If a lack of robust Census data results in service deficiencies that see people die unnecessarily, then he would definitely wear some of that blame.
 
If something like that happened (just as it did with Walkerton or Ipperwash) Harper's enablers would again circulate, reminding us there are two sides to every story and that Harper is a good guy who deserves our support.  Which is exactly what the folk defending the rapers of Rehtaeh Parsons are doing right now.
 
Either bad behaviour is bad behaviour that must be punished, not rationalized, or you need to understand the context to make a sound judgement.  It can't be both.
 
Which is why there is real value in tying judgement and accountability, especially at the highest levels, together.  Those who okay negative attacks that will have real consequences for others should have the courage and conviction to wield the proverbial sword themselves.  Whether or not you're willing to step into the ring and put your own skin in the game is the ultimate test of what someone believes in.  Making it so that you have no alternative might just convince the players to think through their choices before acting rashly.
 
Andrew Coyne's on to something with this personal accountability concept; let's just hope he doesn't lose his head over it.

Monday, 15 April 2013

Rape Culture and Manufactured Consent: Hustling Success vs The Public Good



 


   - Ayn Rand

Being alone in a crowd, for instance.  Surely, that's an impossibility.

The rape and death of Rehtaeh Parsons has horrified and angered a nation.  Yet the reactive horror and anger is coming long after the fatal blow was struck.  There are calls for justice for the family, which is necessary - but where were these voices before justice was necessary?  The boys that raped and re-victimized Rehtaeh must face justice, but unless we plan to kill them off or merely just rape them back, that justice must be of the restorative variety.

While we focus on response to the tragedy, there's a bigger question that needs to be addressed.  How is it that these boys came to act in such an inhumane fashion in the first place?  While the RCMP is rightfully being criticized for their failure to act and the school is being chastised for a failure to recognize the problem earlier, no one else was there earlier, either.  Is justice something we consume from providers only, or something we are supposed to embody in our own daily behaviour?

And what are we doing to understand how this happened - and how similar tragedies can be avoided?

If we're serious about addressing this question, we have to get past bullet-point explanations and starfish-throwing solutions.  We need to wrap our heads around content, context and consequence of everyone's behaviour by engaging in a lot of talkfests with evidence-based experts whose opinions might rub us the wrong way and whose research might need more funding for sufficient bandwidth. 

To start, though, we have to admit to ourselves that we're coming at the big problem from the wrong angle.  Rape culture is just that - a pervasive culture that enables and forgives individuals who push the limits of what is acceptable.  Cultural problems aren't individual - they belong to all of us.  Of course, nobody teaches courses about how to rape effectively; that would be criminal.  What we do do, however, is encourage people to look out for number one and to be willing to hustle to get what they want.  The emphasis is on efficiency, not ethics.  That's not about rape - that's about free market capitalism.

What does this have to do with Ayn Rand?

While Karl Marx and Communism have gotten plenty of attention, there's been less public dialogue about Rand and her philosophy of Objectivism.  This is a shame, because a great deal of Western political thought, particularly in the US and more recently in Canada relies on the concepts of Rand's philosophy.


Rand built this system of thought on Nietzsche's contempt for systems; in her world, society is a false concept imposed on moral individuals by immoral ones.  Selfish pursuit is the way to get ahead - greed is good.  In a non-system where individual actors pursue the fulfilment of their own greed to attain happiness, balance is achieved (though balance would seem to imply middle ground - and Rand was convinced there are only two sides to every issue - one right and one wrong - and the middle was invariably evil).

So there are no such things as contradictions, middle-ground doesn't exist and pursuing one's own happiness is the only moral purpose in life. So how do we achieve happiness, according to Rand?


One would surmise from this that individual actors acting in their own interests to achieve their full market share of happiness will express their morality by letting nobody stop them from getting what they want - and that's all you need to know.

Ironically enough, Rand's most famous work, Atlas Shrugged, was published in 1957 - the same year Leon Festinger's A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance hit bookshelves.
 
The assumption of Objectivism (and for that matter, the free market) is that when buyers and sellers are able to transact freely, they'll come to a mutually agreeable trade value - the market price.  The problem is, not everyone wants to buy what's being sold or sell what's being sought. 

Rand was a believer in laissez-faire capitalism, but she also expressed the belief that you should go out and get what you want.  The art of "closing the deal" is anything but laissez-faire; anyone who works in sales can relate to the need to aggressively nudge a potential buyer into signing on the line which is dotted. 

Now, there are many ways you can push for the deal to be closed - you can follow the aggressive advice of Alec Baldwin; you can employ neuropsychology; you can even design products which produce uncontrolled behaviours in a potential client.  The point is, if people aren't willingly playing along in giving you what you want, don't let that stop you - there are other ways to seal the deal.  Playing the push-game works; through aggressive sales, Apple increased its sales in India by 400 per cent.  As I hear all the time, people don't care about process, so long as the end result is great.  The implication is that they don't care what else you do in life with that aggressive, go-get-'em attitude so long as their piece is delivered, cleanly.

The concept of your happiness coming as a result of harm to someone else doesn't come in to Rand's world, because she refused to recognize the notion of society.  Laissez-faire capitalism is the exact opposite of going out and aggressively getting what you want, but Rand didn't deal with that, either; instead, she positioned herself to be able to say "I'm right and you're wrong", thereby refusing to accept the contradictions of her own position.  By refusing to accept this cognitive dissonance, she was confabulating (making up a self-validating story to paper over the conflict) excuses to avoid addressing the problem.

If you're still with me, it means you're willing to accept there are such things as contradictions and that the devil is in the details.  If you were Ayn Rand (or Rob Ford, for that matter), by now you'd be upset, feel reading this was a stupid waste of time and that I'm unnecessarily complicating a simple issue of good-guy/bad-guy and the state as evil.

But you are with me, so here's where the background starts to pay off.


To put it in a slightly different way: All it takes for evil to succeed is for a few good people to do nothing.

We know this, but do nothing anyway - we're too busy, it's not really our thing, etc.  Someone else should get to that.

At least, that's what we tell ourselves.

AGGRESSIVE SUCCESS

ie - gunning the engine to catch the light
 
Success is seen as a road to happiness.  Success comes through hustling - nobody's going to hand you fistfuls of money, you have to go out and take it.  The success stories we admire are anything but laissez-faire.  We admire people like Steve Jobs or Stephen Harper who had the persistence and "moral toughness" to get what they wanted at any cost.  They may have had to step on a few heads to get there, but you know what they say about eggs and omelets.

By and large, we feel that it's socially acceptable to nudge people in favour of our own interests.  In fact, that's what sales is all about. We can convince ourselves we're just trying to help people obtain something they want, but the very implication of that sentiment is that vendors know what's best for the buyer. I can try to guilt you into buying a product, threaten you into buying a product or trick you into buying a product, but at the end of the day, I'm gonna make that sale. Success, after all, is what makes me happy.

Socially, we reward the hustlers with jobs, fortune, privilege and power - yet somehow don't expect that behaviour to spill over outside their field of work.  A-type personalities dominate executive positions, yet we still express shock when they get caught behaving in vile ways.  We decry bullying but in politics, sports and business, we admire and respect bullies for their success.

Stephen Harper is a bully. Steve Jobs was a bully. Michael Bay is a bully, but we don't care - if his movies make us happy. 

PASSIVE SUCCESS
 
ie - not breaking when you see the light turn yellow.
 
Just as it is seen as socially acceptable to push people to get the results we want, it's also acceptable to be passive about things that benefit our own interests.  This is as true of ignoring where our eggs come from as not caring how cheap foreign imports end up on our shelves or what labour goes in to the success of our companies.  So long as you get a solid return on your investment, who cares?  Process matters less than results - the ends justify the means.  Wading into the details is something you do only when there's clearly a problem to be addressed.

There's a corollary to this, though - just like the aggressive salesfolk, there are trade offs in our own wins.  Cheap, abusive labour might be behind our imports.  The folk managing our investment portfolios might not be so scrupulous about their efforts.  The same could be could be true of other service providers.

Arthur Porter was successful, until he got caught. Adam Carroll was pretty pleased with himself, until he got caught. Chris Mazza was totally going out and taking what he wanted, until he got caught. Some aggressive ladder-climbers have behaved badly and been caught. But not all of them.

Each of these entrepreneurial folks was hustling, making money, buying goods, contributing to the economy, living happy. In short, they were doing exactly what society asks them to.  There was some benefit in what they did for those they sold their services, too - so long as the accumulated risks could be ignored.  That laissez-faire approach led to massive losses, public humiliation and the cracking of investor confidence. 

These aggressive, individually successful individuals were left to their own devices, resulting in steep and avoidable costs to the whole.

PASSIVE AVOIDANCE
 
ie - tisking someone who runs a light, but nothing more; after all, it doesn't impact you.
 
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of beauty is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, but indifference between life and death."
     - Elie Wiesel

Ayn Rand believed there was no such thing as a social system; that individual self-interest was the primary mover of success and that the world was black-and-white.

Here's what she missed - when you split the world up into "right" and "wrong" you invariably end up with an unspoken third category - irrelevant.

Horrific tragedies in faraway countries?  Not our issue, unless we're threatened.  Terrible plights of people in remote First Nations communities in our own country?  Until we're shamed, we remain unresponsive and even then, our attention is fleeting.  Homelessness?  Poverty? Mental health?  The best social program is a job - and it's the job of the individual to get out there, hustle their stuff and make employment happen.  Individuals are their own best advocates; they just need to get up and advocate.  It'll be nice to see it when it happens, but it's not our place to nudge anyone into protecting their self-interests.

Passive avoidance works the same way passive success does - through inaction.  We don't act in someone else's favour and find reasons to justify why.  If, for instance, a passive person is on the receiving end of someone else's aggression, they probably have it coming.  It's certainly got nothing to do with us.

We definitely find it hard to act when a negative to someone else results in a positive for us - at least, if we don't fear the consequences of that negative behaviour coming home to roost.

What about when the risk we face of ignoring the bad behaviour of a provider is recognizable, but not enough to make us feel threatened - or lands so close to home we're sure to be impacted?


AGGRESSIVE AVOIDANCE
 
ie - hammering the horn when someone runs a light and nearly hits your car; or giving the finger to someone who beeps at you after you've run the light.
 
Despite the fact that he killed his girlfriend, Oscar Pistorius still has legions of fans.  People who like him as a performer or admire his embodiment of competitive success will protect him by blaming his girlfriend for her own death.

You'll see the exact same things in politics; Ford Nation will attack anyone who criticizes the Mayor and, oddly enough, will say that the only thing that matters is the results the Mayor achieves.  Pierre Penashue is using this same "the ends justify the means" approach with his constituents - so long as you get the goods, what do you care about what else I do with my time?

Offense is the best defense, even in those incidents where something you have done is the thing most offensive.

Of course, aggressive hustlers are looking to defend themselves, too, at the exact same time they're viewing others as marks.  For all the aggressive posturing and ego you get from Wall Street suits, you also get this:


But this girl, clearly, is a paid whore.  You can't take what she says seriously.  She's probably pissed that she didn't get tipped well, but that says more about her than it does about the client - right?

REHTAEH PARSONS

Let's apply all of this to the death of Rehtaeh Parsons.  The boys who raped her would probably have never faced justice were it not for the picture they took.  After all, sex is a transaction between two parties; if one's complaining after the fact, it must mean they weren't happy with the deal they got, right?  That's how transactions work.  It's why we have a social habit of blaming the victim. 
 
This leaning towards whatever stance lets us be passive is made worse by the urge to protect our own self-interests; when it becomes clear a wrong was committed, we're more likely to double-down on our positions and absolve ourselves of anything resembling responsibility.  If it gets so bad that the consequences can't be ignored - like the suicide of a 17 year-old - we will recognize fault only as long as its fashionable (unless you empathize with the victim, maybe because you've got a teenage daughter yourself) and assuredly not point the finger of blame at the mirror.

The rapists themselves were probably pleased with their actions, at first - they hustled, seized an opportunity and took what they wanted, with maybe a bit of risk of getting caught.  They see this behaviour all the time, in different contexts, so even if they knew it wasn't right they wouldn't be dwelling on the risk of repercussion.  This is a crime we will see repeated; maybe the boys were wear masks next time, but that will only feed into the power-trip of the crime.

If Rehtaeh had been physically brutalized, then people would have taken action - but as it was, the wounds were internal and easy to avoid.

Which is what peers did.  They kinda knew about it or definitively knew all about it but easier than taking on the boys who came out on top was piling on the girl at the bottom.  It happens all the time.

My grandfather tells stories of Buchenwald Concentration Camp; inmates would become so numb, so mentally walled off that if someone fell over dead on the grounds from disease or starvation, you'd simply go check them for useful gear and then move on.  The ones who got the shoes or the bread were the toughest and they did so at the expense of the weak.  There was no mental space to grieve death.  
 
The RCMP and school triaged the rape case by focusing on why it wouldn't be relevant to them, not the reverse.  That's how business works, right?  Empathy has no place in rational decision making, it's a bad motivator.  Passively or aggressively, you want to avoid expenditures of any kind.  If an issue is severe enough, the process will make that clear all on its own.
 
And that's indeed what happened; the police and system did their triage, let things go and the system course-corrected.  I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking it shouldn't take social uproar to get the wheels of justice turning.
 
And there's the ultimate contradiction.  Justice isn't being done; we're throwing the starfish back in the ocean, one at a time and ignoring the structural challenges that really need addressed.  By addressing the wrong problems and ignoring the very real connections between process and outcome, we're not recognizing that social challenges take social solutions.
 
L'etat, c'est nous.  If we really want a world where things like the rape of Rethaeh don't happen, it's not isolated individuals who need to change - it's all of us.
 
Here's a place to start:

9. Teach children that their behaviors affect others.

10. Teach kids to look for opportunities to help.





 

Thursday, 11 April 2013

Rehtaeh Parsons, rehcaet





 
 
 
I have a theory.
 
There's a part in most people (narcissists and psychopaths being exceptions) that sees empathy as a strength.  Our superheroes are people of conscience who always put others first, even at the risk of personal sacrifice.  We worship those who give their lives on behalf of the people.
 
We want to be strong enough ourselves to be the change we long to see in the world. 
 
But we're afraid that we aren't.  We don't know if we have the endurance, the will, the patience or wisdom to make the right choices, to make consequential sacrifices if and when the time comes.  Equally, we're afraid we'll be mocked for trying.  It's a cruel world, after all; it isn't worth the risk of exposing oneself through acts of kindness.
 
As such, we admire strength of character from afar or resent it as a bright light that brings into sharp focus the shadows of our owm inadequacies.  At our weakest points, we will seek to put out that light and keep our own personal failings in the dark.
 
I don't know what was in the heads of the boys who raped Rehtaeh Parsons, nor why they felt it necessary to post pictures of their sins.  But I can guess.  They wanted to be seen as tough, powerful enough to pluck the wings off an angel.
 
Everything I have read about Rehtaeh suggests a person of strength who put others before herself.  There's nothing more powerful that the testament of a father who recognizes that his child will surpass him and knows humility in their presence.
 
With her death a light has gone out of the world, but it doesn't need to be extinguished entirely.
 
Not if we're willing to pick it up and carry it.
 
Society did let Rehtaeh down, but her death need not be in vain.  People around the world are raising their voices, demanding justice, wondering how this could have happened, wanting action of some kind.  Rehtaeh's death has mobilized us; what will we do with our raised voices? 
 
Let's honour this sacrifice by not fixating on what can't be changed and instead flipping this around, seeing what we can do better moving forward.
 
Perhaps the best place to start is to ask - what would Rehtaeh do?

Beautiful Memorial To a Daughter (Glen Canning)



 
 
My daughter was three years old when we went to watch Babe: Pig in the City. There's a part in the movie when Babe knocks over a goldfish bowl and the fish falls onto the floor and starts flopping around. When this happened Rae suddenly stood up on her chair in the movie theatre and started screaming for someone to help the fish. She cried for it as I tried to reassure her Babe would help (thank God he did) and that the fish would be alright.
 
That was the nature of my daughter Rehtaeh. She was like that her whole life. I couldn't go for a walk in Halifax with her without her asking me for change to give to someone in need. She was always looking out for people or animals that needed help. She called Animal Control Services on our neighbors because they left their dog outside too long. Her room and her life was always full of little creatures.
 
Sometimes her heart was too big, sometimes it scared me.
 
They say parents need to teach their children. Instead, it was Rehtaeh who was my teacher. My precious gift. She was the absolute best part of my life.
 
There's a wooden box in my house that holds all the memories I have of my beautiful little girl. The outfit she wore home from the hospital, a hand print in clay, art, school cards and drawings, mementoes of her life. Even a newspaper dated December 9th, 1995, the day she came into this world.
 
I tried to keep it all for her, to have someday when she grew up and had her own family. That day will never come.
 
Rehtaeh died April 7th at 11:15 PM. She was 17 years old.
 
She died struggling to live, much as she spent the last 18 months. She hung on right to the very end, when the nurses were telling us if she couldn't be declared brain dead soon they couldn't use her as an organ donor. We couldn't wait any longer. She couldn't live any longer. And right at the last moment there was a change in her blood pressure as the last part of her brain gave away. She knew she had to leave. It was time to let go and find peace.
 
It was so like her to hang on right up until the very last second. To give us all a chance to hold her hand, wipe her tears away, and kiss her beautiful face for the last time.
 
I tried my best to save my daughter's life. I believe that in my heart.
 
I asked her repeatedly what I could do, was I doing enough, what did she want from me? She said she just wanted me to be her dad. To make her laugh. To do everything possible to keep a part of her life normal. She said it helped more than I could ever know.
 
I prayed for the best while I prepared her for the worst. We went to counseling together. Sometimes I was the drive, sometimes the father, sometimes the counselor.
 
The worst nightmare of my life has just begun. I loved my beautiful baby with all my heart. She meant everything to me. I felt her heart beating in my soul from the moment she was born until the moment she died. We were a team. We were best pals. We often sat on my couch and laughed until we could hardly speak. When we weren't together she would call me or text me every single day, just to say hi, to say she loved me. The life I had with my daughter was a rare thing. It was wonderful, it consumed me. I was defined by it. It made my life rich and beautiful.
 
She was amazing.
 
Yesterday I looked at another wooden box. It will hold her ashes. I hate it.
 
I had to write something about this. I don't want her life to defined by a Google search about suicide or death or rape. I want it to be about the giving heart she had. Her smile. Her love of life and the beautiful way in which she lived it.
 
I found out this afternoon my daughter saved the life of a young woman with her heart. How fitting.
She also gave someone a new liver, a kidney, a new breath, and a new chance to love. She saved the lives of four people with her final gift of life. She was that wonderful.
 
Someone out there is going to look at the world with my daughter's eyes. The most beautiful eyes
I have ever seen.
 
To the Justice Minister of Nova Scotia
Rehtaeh Parsons thought the worst outcome for her case would be no charges against the men who raped her but we all know better. The worst thing that could happen would be charges. That they would be found guilty, and that Rehtaeh would sit on a court bench and listen in utter disbelief as they were given parole, or a suspended sentence, or community service. All for completely destroying her life while they laughed.
 
Why is it they didn't just think they would get away with it; they knew they would get away with it. They took photos of it. They posted it on their Facebook walls. They emailed it to God knows who. They shared it with the world as if it was a funny animation.
 
How is it possible for someone to leave a digital trail like that yet the RCMP don't have evidence of a crime? What were they looking for if photos and bragging weren't enough?
 
Why was this treated like a minor incident of bullying rather than a rape? Isn't the production and distribution of child porn a crime in this country? Numerous people were emailed that photo. The police have that information (or at least they told us they did). When someone claims they were raped is it normal to wait months before talking to the accused?
 
You have the opportunity here to do something good and lets face it; the court system in Nova Scotia was just going to rape her all over again with indifference to her suffering and the damage this did to her.
 
My daughter wasn't bullied to death, she was disappointed to death. Disappointed in people she thought she could trust, her school, and the police.
 
She was my daughter, but she was your daughter too.
 
For the love of God do something.
 
***I've been contacted from media outlets from all over the world and as a past member of the media I understand why you all want to speak with me. You have all been very courteous, professional, and respectful. Please know, however, this is the only statement I am able to make. I'm too devastated.***
I feel like I'm dead inside.

The Role of Government


 
 
Call me naive, but isn't the role of a democratically elected government to represent the voice of the community - and ensure every voice gets reflected in decision making?  Through justice services, aren't governments supposed to put a floor on acceptable behaviour and provide mechanisms for restoration, reconciliation and rehabilitation?
 
We have a consumer-based culture that's all about individual rights, individual access, etc - but we've left out the social accountability piece.
 
We need the social accountability piece.
 
Ayn Rand was wrong, folks - society is a system of which we're all a part.  When we work against each other, constantly, ignoring things we don't think matter, problems arise that impact all parts of the whole, like an illness.  The role of government is to serve as brain, responding to the needs of the parts and coordinating operation against them. 
 
Oh - and when the elected mechanism of government fails to do its job, others step up to fill that space that aren't accountable to the public.  That's how revolutions happen.
 
It's time the institutions we're meant to rely on step up to the plate.